The NICU Roller Coaster -April 12, 2011

The doctors and nursing staff warned JR and I that the NICU experience would be like a roller coaster.  They weren't kidding.  The moment you think things are going to go a certain way, you get blindsided.

All of Anna's improvements and progress practically stopped on March 19th. Her health had taken about four steps backward. Her clothes were removed, we were not allowed to hold her, she was placed on a second ventilator, and her supported oxygen levels were hovering between 75%-100%. 

Today, I can relax just a little.  Within the last few days, Anna lowered her supported oxygen to 34%, the second ventilator was removed, the alarms on her monitors have been silent, she is now wearing clothes, and we can hold her again.  There has even been talk about her coming off of the ventilator within the next few days.  She would move to a lower level, non-invasive oxygen support called a sipap. Even though things are going well now, I have to be prepared for the twists and turns.

Being the adoptive parent also make things a little more difficult.  Since the adoption is not final, the adoption agency must give consent to the hospital for procedures to be completed. JR and I cannot give consent until Anna is discharged from the hospital.  Once she is discharged, our six month placement period will begin.  After the six months are complete, the adoption will be finalized.  We have a long road ahead.

I called my mom on my way home from Peoria tonight and she told me that JR and I need to make sure that we take care of ourselves too.  She was referring to JR getting sick this past weekend.  He had to go home early so that he did not risk getting Anna sick. My mom suggested that once a month, JR and I take turns visiting Anna on a weekend. I understood what she was trying to say, but I told her that we just couldn't.  Not now. I still worry that each moment I spend with Anna may be my last.  

Sometimes, it's hard to see the healthier babies come in and then leave so quickly with their parents.  We have had new "next door neighbors" at least four times since we have been in the NICU.  Even though this is sometimes tough to watch, I am happy for those families.  I have seen stressed and worried parents enter the NICU for the first time and then a few days later, they are walking down the hallway for the last time with smiles on their faces. I have watched proud dads carrying out bags and gifts and relieved moms carrying their little ones all snuggled up in a new baby carrier.  I just have to keep praying that that moment will be ours soon.

Until then, JR and I must remain strong not only for us, but for Anna. Without our friends and family, this experience would have been so much more difficult.   We have had some amazing people come forward to offer help and show support.  They make us stronger and we cannot thank them enough.