On Saturday, March 19th, me, JR, and the kids drove up to Peoria. It began as a happy day. Kara and Shawn started to talk about taking another trip to Disney World because Anna needed to have the experience that they had had. JR and I joined in and talked about who would sit with whom on the rides because there would now be five of us and someone would have to sit by themselves. We compromised and said that we would take turns. We must have been talking loudly because neither JR or I heard our cell phones ring.
When we arrived at the hospital parking lot, both JR and I noticed that we had missed calls from the hospital. The hospital rarely called us. I had a sick feeling in my stomach.
We rushed through the parking lot to the elevator. When we reached the NICU, I scrubbed my hands and arms like mad as if the mandatory two minutes on the time clock would count down faster.
I rushed down the hall. I could hear alarms going off when I opened the door to Airplane. When I stepped into Anna's room, I saw that two nurses were standing at Anna's bedside. They looked distressed.
I knew Anna couldn't have been doing well, but in a whispery voice, all I could say was, "How is she doing?". One of the nurses looked up at me and said, "She is not doing so well". I was afraid, but I moved closer to Anna's incubator and saw a tiny little pink body laying on her tummy in a fetal position gasping for breath. I looked up at her monitor and saw that she was at 100% support and was still gasping for air. It was only a few days ago that she needed only 40% support. JR and I were frantic.
The doctors and nurses were very grim about Anna's state, but they had a plan. I did not know that there was more than one type of ventilator - a higher level of help. This ventilator pumps air into the lungs at a much gentler pressure and at a higher rate of speed.
While Anna was hooked up to this new ventilator, the doctors tested her for every type of infection. Everything came back negative. Strange as it may seem, we wanted them to find something. If they found something then they could treat it. All we could do was wait.
We were finally told that Anna had an infection that they had never seen before. We were told that not only did she have this infection, but her lungs had collapsed and she had pneumonia. We were devastated. My mind was racing. Why is this happening to her? I had to leave the room. I needed to do something.
I had walked past the hospital chapel once before and remembered where it was. When I walked in, the room was dark. I took a seat, closed my eyes and tried to remember how to recite the Rosary. I was frustrated that I couldn't remember the beginning prayer, so I immediately started reciting the Hail Marys and Our Father. I finished, but I wasn't satisfied.
I walked to the other side of the hospital. I knew there was another chapel. I went there and found a small box for prayer requests. I wrote down my request, folded it, and stuffed the little piece of paper into the overflowing box. I wondered how often the box was checked and when my prayer request would be answered. I lit a candle and then sat in the room and stared at the religious statues.
I started to think about everything...The day JR called me to tell me a baby girl was born and that she was ours... I thought about the first weekend I visited her and how I brought my laptop and ordered her entire furniture set for her room....I thought about the first time I held her.....I thought about how I had pictured the future...with her in it.
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